I learnt the hard way about trusting men

Dear Pastor,

In 1998, I met a man who told me that he loved me and wanted us to be friends. He spoke as if he were genuine. At the time, I was living with my brother and his wife.

My brother was sending me to take some subjects at a school in the evenings. I was 18 years old and the youngest of my parents' children. I had not done very well in school, which is why my brother took me in and arranged for me to attend evening classes.

When this man met me and I told him it was my brother who was paying for my subjects, he offered to assist me. I started accepting money from him, but I did not tell my brother about him.

The man would pick me up after classes and drop me off at my house. I told him he did not have to come for me all the time, but he said he did not want anyone else taking me home. I told him I would take the bus.

I did not know that he was so old--he was 30. As I got to know him better, he asked me for sex. I told him I was a virgin, and he said he would take his time with me. I became afraid of him because he would ask for sex whenever he picked me up.

I promised him I would have sex with him, but I needed more time. When I asked where we would go, he said we did not have to go anywhere -- we could do it in his van.

One evening, my brother's wife saw him drop me at the gate. When I went inside, she asked me who he was. I told her I had met him some months ago and that he said he loved me. She warned me to be careful and told my brother, who told me to stop talking to the man. I was not pleased with that and continued to see him.

Another evening, after classes dismissed early, I called him and agreed to let him pick me up. I agreed to have sex with him, and he took me to a motel. He used a condom and told me I would not get pregnant.

The following week, he wanted us to have sex again. I refused, and he threatened to stop giving me money if I did not comply. I did not know that my sister-in-law had written down his vehicle's licence plate number.

My brother found out who he was, confronted him, and told him to leave me alone. When the man learnt what my brother did for a living, he called me and said he could not see me again because of the threat. That was also when he told me he was married. I started attending church, got saved, and eventually got married.

There are many wicked men who prey on young girls. I was naive and did not listen to my brother, but I am grateful that I did not get pregnant. I now have two children with my husband, but I have never told him how I lost my virginity. Before we married, I did tell him I was not a virgin, and he said it did not matter to him.

I have a daughter and a son. I talk to my daughter every day about men and I do not hide anything from her. She is not married, but she is very smart, and we are like sisters.

G.J.

Dear G.J.,

I am glad that this man did not impregnate you. Your letter shows how easily some men can take advantage of girls from rural Jamaica, especially when they come into corporate or urban areas and are misled into believing men's declarations of love. Many young girls do not realise that they should not accept money from men or feel pressured to ride in their vehicles.

Your brother was already supporting your education and providing for you, but this man's assistance came at a heavy price. I am glad you got married and are now a proud mother of two children. I wish you continued strength and wisdom as you guide your children.

Thank you for writing.

Pastor